


well i postdated the eulogy

by mambo



Series: child of thanos [6]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Child of Thanos Steve Rogers, Identity Issues, Identity Porn, M/M, Protective Steve Rogers, Suicidal Thoughts, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:56:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21972460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mambo/pseuds/mambo
Summary: The Captain was always looking for a way to die. It never took.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: child of thanos [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1347118
Comments: 42
Kudos: 245





	well i postdated the eulogy

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry to everyone I didn't get holiday cards out to in time. That's everyone.

_ Then _

The Captain’s back slams against the sharp metal debris of a fallen ship. Proxima Midnight slams her knee into his solar plexus and hisses, “Do it again and you’ll either die or be killed.”

The Captain grins through bloody teeth. “You promise?” he asks.

This time she goes for his head.

_ Then _

“Take my hand,” Nebula says, reaching for the Captain’s.

He smiles up at her. The world around them swirls, red and angry. “I’ll be back,” he says, letting himself drop deeper into the cavern, Nebula’s disparaging yells disappearing above him, the darkness comforting and soft.

He emerges some time later, covered in dirt and cuts, map in hand.

“Are you crazy?” Nebula spits.

“You waited,” the Captain responds, handing the map to her as he walks back in the direction of their ship.

“Someone had to collect your body, bring it back to father.”

“Practicing your eulogy?” he asks, hearing Nebula’s footsteps close behind him. She reaches for his shoulder, whirls him around to face her. “Hi there.” He grins through bloody teeth.

“Get it together,” Nebula orders. “You could’ve gotten killed.”

“But I didn’t,” the Captain says. “I never do.”

_ Then _

“Come  _ on _ ,” the Captain hisses, then barrells his way towards Gamora. She dodges easily, merely stepping out of his way as he staggers by, bracing himself on the concrete wall as he tries and fails to catch his breath.

“Stop it,” Gamora orders, rolling her eyes. “This is pointless.”

The Captain forces himself back up, adjusts his shield on his arm. And then he runs towards her again.

She dodges, reaching out and tripping the Captain. He manages to tuck into a roll, but as he rights himself, she’s on top of him, a blade pressed to his neck. “Let me go,” she says.

Bleeding and out of breath, he smiles. “No.” He presses closer to her and her blade. “No, I don’t think I will.”

“You want to die,” Gamora says, her eyes not leaving the Captain’s.

“If you kill me, you’d be able to leave.” He smiles, feeling her cool blade against his flushed skin. “And that’s what you want.”

“I won’t kill you,” Gamora says.

The Captain hisses.

She shoves the knife into his shoulder and kicks his head.

He wakes up later.

But he wakes up.

_ Now _

“No,” Steve says.

“Listen,” Gamora says, lowering her voice so it’s barely audible over Quill’s music. It’s not enough to keep Bucky from listening in if he wants to, but her idiotic compatriots won’t be able to hear. “It’s just not going to work.”

“It will,” Steve says. His eyes drift away from his sister towards Bucky, sitting at the other end of the ship. He holds a metal finger out Groot, who reaches out for it, curling tendrils of leafy branches around it. “I’ll protect him.”

“There will be nowhere to hide from our father’s rage, and — ”

“I’ll find a place,” Steve interrupts.

“ _ And _ ,” Gamora states, pointedly, “Even if there was a place, it wouldn’t matter if father succeeds in getting the stones.”

“That’s why I told you we’d stay until we find a place that can hold it.”

She shakes her head. “Don’t let feelings cloud your judgment. He’ll find it. I know he’s looking. You do, too.”

“And why should I be concerned about that?” Steve asks.

“Because if he gets those stones, he’ll snap his fingers and half the universe will be gone. Do you think the two of you will be lucky enough to stay together?” His eyes snap back to Gamora. “Half of the universe, Captain. Think of it.”

“Steve,” he corrects, tight-lipped.

Gamora doesn’t acknowledge it. They’re standing close; Steve can see the blue light of his eyes shine against her green skin.

“Maybe you can go on without him. But can he go on without you?” she asks, an eyebrow raised.

He glances down at the ship’s dirty floor, then back at Bucky. He wiggles his finger and Groot tells him, “I am Groot.” Bucky nods like he understands.

“You’re manipulating me,” Steve says, eyes flicking back to hers.

“Is it working?” Gamora asks.

He doesn’t dignify her with an answer. Instead, he stomps across the ship, towards Bucky. Seeing him approach, Groot retreats, leaving Bucky’s finger branchless. It’s for the best, as Steve pulls Bucky up — _gently_ , he reminds himself, _gently_ — and takes him to a supply closet deep inside the ship, overcrowded and uncomfortable but one of the few places where they can be alone. 

They look at each other for a moment, Steve’s eyes bright, illuminating Bucky’s in the cramped space. Steve just looks at him and just feels, emotions filling him until he doesn’t know what to do with any of it. 

“Yeah,” Bucky says, voice soft, then wraps his arms around Steve.

Steve is stiff for a moment, then grabs Bucky, crowds himself into him. Shutting his eyes, he presses his face to that sweet spot where Bucky’s shoulder meets his neck. He kisses the skin, then he bites it, maybe hard. Maybe not. Bucky gasps, holds on too tight, which is good. Steve wants to be bruised.

They stand like that, feeling one another, for Steve doesn’t know how long. And then he says, voice croaking, “I’m going to have to live, aren’t I?”

And some time later Bucky says, “Yeah bud. You are.”

**Author's Note:**

> [Tweet me](https://twitter.com/mamboao4/status/1210195375035944960) / [Reblog me](https://whtaft.tumblr.com/post/184873977954/child-of-thanos-an-ongoing-series-by-mambo-steve)


End file.
